According to a new study, women talk three times as much as men because talking gives them an endorphin buzz. So when a woman says, “We need to talk,” what she is really saying is, “I need to get wasted!”
Posted on :
11-30-06 |
Since it showed up on the DrudgeReport (Original Article), I'm sure we've all read that article by now about women and men and the differences in their brains. Well, I'm left unable to sit by and not at least comment on it.
A new study says that women talk almost three times as much as men. A woman did this study by the way... so that gives me a little feminist cover. This illustrious scientist determined that women on average will speak about 20,000 words per day compared to a man's 7,000 words.
She goes on to explain that women's brains, triggered by the presence of estrogen early on during a pregnancy, will increase the centers of verbal control to a disproportionately large amount versus a man's testosterone riddled brains. But of course, don't count us men out… we get a large portion of our brain dedicated to something, too.
Beer.
No, I'm just kidding. It's really strippers.
But the word on the net is that women everywhere are actually getting high daily. Hourly... hell minutely. It seems that just by talking, women increase the endorphins in their brains bestowing on them a buzzing heroin like state of being, encouraging them to continue talking and in essence to continue "shooting up" with language. After all this time we finally realize that when women say to us men, "We need to talk", what they are really is saying is "I need to get wasted".
I must admit, I've never been a big proponent of the war on drugs, but I'm changing my mind a bit now if it means we can have a little more silence out of the women. You would think in a culture of Medicare paid Viagra for the men, and no free birth control for the women, we could get some DEA action on this whole women getting high while talking thing.
You see the kicker is, while women are predisposed to conversation, men's brains are occupied with procreation. Ok, maybe not so much procreation as fucking as much and as often as possible.
This strikes me as unfair. Women can yammer on and on… and get a good buzz going while they do it… but they universally and emphatically prefer us to be sober and listening with our undivided attention during their entire rant. What's the upside for the men here you might ask? Well, it appears we have the ability to tune the women out and think about something way more near and dear to our hearts than anything they have to say. The entire time they are talking, we are thinking about boning them.
This study re-confirms the fact that men think about sex on average once every 52 seconds throughout their waking day, while women, as a result of this difference, only think about sex on average about once a day. My own personal experience is that I can think about sex way more often then that, but maybe the study is also including data from some men who are victims of a coma. During our development, the amount of man brain we end up dedicating to sex and conquest is just as large as the amount women end up dedicating to conversation, which I guess means, for every one guy they find cute, we want to do 1,200 chicks.
OK… this is quite an important point here and needs to be re-stated… women think about sex ONCE A DAY!!! Your average man, taking out 8 hours a day for sleep, thinks about sex 1,246 times a day. Now whereas I think this "average" man is lacking in imagination, that means men are outthinking their fellow woman sexually by over 1,200 times a day.
The disparity lies in the fact that when we think about sex while a woman is talking to us, we don't get the same endorphin rush as women get from just talking. That same rush only comes from actually having the sex. So it seems us men are at a distinct disadvantage here. The study moves on to explain that men have the ability to tune out the incessant chatter and illogical torrent of wasteful sound waves emanating from the girlfriend or wife while replacing it with thoughts of other women, many other women, women much hotter than the current woman jabbering away in front of us. This certainly explains all the times a woman has looked up at us and asked , "Are you listening to me?"
No, we are doing you… in our heads… didn't you see us looking at your tits?
So based on this new scientific knowledge, I would like to suggest an answer to all our men dealing with women - women dealing with men problems. Since the women get off on talking, and the men abhor the droning on, I suggest a compromise… If you want to talk to us… fuck us and talk to us at the same time. That way we are both communicating on a mutually satisfactory heroin-induced level. If you think you are having trouble making your point… slow down, take your time, thrust your opinion on us, and don't let us climax until you are sure we understand what you are talking about. Drag it out and fuck us slow while you explain every single thing we are doing wrong. Fuck us until we get it. Fuck us until we finally understand what you are trying to say since you have the attention of this huge part of our brains that we have no control over. If we look confused, jump on top, and cowboy it into us. If anything, we will start becoming eager totalk… enthusiastic to delve deep into the topics of the day. Men everywhere will become enamored with this new form of communication.
We will discuss politics, shoes, the bills, wallpaper, what you did at work today, what that damn Kathy girl said about you to your boss, what you want to do this weekend, what we should say to your mother when we call her for her birthday, and even the ins and outs of vertically versus horizontally striped draperies as long as we are getting laid.
By the way, we prefer the horizontal stripes.
So next time your lover says he doesn't want to talk about "this" or "that" right now, grab him with two hands, rip off his clothes, throw him down on the couch, or the bed, or the floor, or your bosses desk, and have a deep and penetrating conversation on a level both of you can appreciate and that both of you will never forget.
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