It's not going to be an orgy! It's a toga party. (Animal House)
A humorous rant about the state of the two party system.
Posted on :
11-13-06 |
We Americans love to party. We are famous for it. We are hated for it. We do it better than anyone else on the planet. If being American has taught us anything, it's how to have a hoe-down, a shin-dig, a gala, a kegger. Parties can range from a few friends calling each other and getting together at the last minute with a bunch of vodka and some limes, or they can be a huge production, with caterers, lights, sound, bands, and debauchery. We can party in suits and gowns, in costume, in jeans, in sheets, or even naked at times. Parties sometimes have themes, and no one wants to use the same theme twice in any certain group of friends. We fret over being the party host. We wonder how much we have to drink to be the life of the party, and sometimes we wonder if made a fool of ourselves at last night's party.
We have surprise parties, engagement parties, frat house parties, beach parties, birthday parties, slumber parties, hot-tub parties, bachelor parties, Halloween, Christmas, and New Years parties, graduation parties, debutante parties, cocktail parties, retro roller skating parties, and then of course there is the mother of all parties… the Super Bowl Party.
We are Americans... we love parties... we love to party... what are you going to do this weekend? PARTAY!!!
So why on Earth do we settle for only two parties in our politics? It almost seems blasphemous that he country of more choices, the country of super size me, the country of I want it my way and I want it now, would settle for only two choices come election day. On our shelves we will have 100's of Cd's, 30 or so books, 50 DVD's, and we have 250 channels on the satellite TV to choose from. At the best bars we have 100 choices of beers both on tap and in the bottle. 50 different wines. 20 appetizers, 50 entrees, 15 salads, and 10 great looking deserts. We have to go back again and again because when we were there last time, we saw another 3 nights of combinations of food and drink we wanted to try.
I think this lack of choice in our politics is why voter turnout is so low. There's nothing to spark our attention. We have to add some life to this political party if we want more people to drop by. We need more than just a balloon drop and a dirty ol' man playing saxophone.
In 2004, 125 million people voted nationwide. That's out of 215 million eligible citizens at least 18 years old. That's only 58% of the entire population out there making choices for the other 42%. So only 58% needs to get a majority of the vote to win, and that means it only takes 29% of our population voting one way to affect the other 71% of the country. Census.gov Stats
So there are women out there right now who don't vote, but have 47 pairs of shoes. There are guys out there with 3 cases of 300 piece socket wrenches that don't vote. And I say the reason why is because our politicians just don't know how to bring the "partay" into party politics.
Why would someone go vote when their choices are between two extremes? Why does someone like me, who prefers paying lower taxes and who believes the government is getting too big, have to choose a party that it completely religious, hates gays, is against abortion, and can't stand that Americans like to gamble? Why does the Republican party have to try to legislate their morals on me? In the Democratic vein, why would someone like me, who wants to have my privacy protected and who hopes to make some good money some day, have to worry about if I'm going to be paying 70% of my income every year to supply every American with free health care.
I truly believe in the capitalistic system, and it seems completely contrary to the idea of competition to only allow us two choices at the ballot box. A third party has to get 15% of the vote just to be included in the debates these days. The politicians have made it impossible to run a third party these days… let alone a fourth or fifth, and that is completely un-American.
We Americans need to stand up, and demand some political competition. We need a change in the debates… not only should 10 people be allowed to run for president, but they should be able to ask each other questions on national TV, and then they should all get thrown in a cage, each with a folding chair, and let them beat the crap out of each other so we see who will be the last man standing. They should all play a game of chess, and a game of poker, and a game of Play Station 3… and we can watch them compete on cable. I'll stop short of saying they should all eat roaches or lie in tubs filled with snakes. But most of all, there should be someone running who seems to hold all the same ideals that each of us has, and we should be able to vote for them.
We need some room in the middle. We aren't all atheists or god fearing. The world is not black and white, and sometimes we don't want chocolate or vanilla, we want some Moose Tracks or some Rocky Road, and we want someone to get naked and have sex on a podium in a debate now and then. We want disco balls, and an open bar, and someone in charge that knows how to balance a damn check book. But most of all… we want some more political parties, damnit. Maybe I'll start one. The Party Party. That's something we could all get behind. |
